Wishes from Shawty with the Bamboo Earrings

I wish so often in this space I wasn’t looked at as the Angry Black Woman.

I wish my peers understood the burden of their whispered disagreements and prolonged gazes.

If they understood the anxiety their judgment caused a regular degular shmegular bitch like me would they stop?

I wish my classmates would stop asking me “how do you do anything with those nails,” as if their ancestors for centuries did not forcibly make mine masters of adaptation.

I want to curse out Becky

I wish Becky’s culture and identity politics would allow her to see the violence she has enacted on me.

Instead, Becky has a culture of Western civilizations….

A culture that rationalizes her blatant indecency

downplaying her daily racisms by euphemizing them as microaggressions

A culture of white supremacy

A culture of nazism

Her culture calls for her to be violent.

I wish Western Civilization didn’t rely on universal objective truths to justify Becky’s violence.

White supremacy has conditioned me to fear a stereotype threat of being the Angry Black Woman (Shout out to brother Steele for that work).

I wish I could curse out Becky without representing all black women.

I can deal with Becky but the issue is when Professor Becky, Brad, and Chad embolden Becky’s fascism.

Professor Becky, Brad, and Chad share in a culture of fascism with Becky.

I prefer Becky over Professor Brad who invalidated my experience in a lecture hall of over 200 of my peers

Professor Brad who demanded I respected his authority as he simultaneously stormed out of our meeting when he was unable to defend his ideas to a brilliant Black undergrad.

Professor Brad who replied “interesting” when I emailed him the work of Dr. Joy Degruy developing a theory on Post-traumatic slavery syndrome precisely the same theory he ridiculed me in front of my peers for.

I prefer Becky over Professor Becky who dismisses my concerns on the blatant transphobia encouraged by the scientific article she assigned

Professor Becky who tells me it’s beyond reasonable to ensure that NIH-funded scientific research does not promote transphobia.

Professor Becky who feverishly compliments the professionalism of my long 4c natural hair in opposition to the 32in blonde braids that rested at the knees of my dark coffee brown skin

I would pick Becky over Professor Chad; with his PhD in African history and black wife (that pretty much makes him a black man right?) any day.

Professor Chad who assigns a white feminist as a critical paper and allows a white feminist student to cover her.

Professor Chad who feels compelled to apologize to the class after I point out the violence of my peer’s language in encouraging a clear racist white Feminist.

No, I will not acknowledge any benefits to her work…..because they were none

There is no value in any work that concludes, Fuck Black women

I wish white women weren’t so fragile

I wish that my peers and professors wouldn’t so easily discount the content of my words when the bass returned to my voice.

Yes I am angry, I wish you would ask why what you said infuriated me so deeply.

I wish the Chads and Brads in my class didn’t take my scandalous clothes as an invitation stare. As though my sexual expression was cultivated for them.

As though my pierced nipples were solely meant to taunt them.

I mean isn’t all women’s sexual expression meant for the consumption of men?

but how could I not expect this?….right?

I bet y’all say “if I didn’t want to be a spectacle then present differently.”

You and your colonizer logic can shut the fuck up.

An expression of my inner being and interiority was not cultivated for you.

Standards of beauty in my proud low-income Black community were not cultivated for you.

Who I am and what makes me happy was not cultivated for you.

Everything in the world was not cultivated for you.

I know it may be hard to imagine but I do not belong to you. (n’ dats dat on dat. PERIODT)

I wish the women in my education program, who I know were going to become the future teachers of America weren’t white feminists.

I wish I saw something different in my peers and professors other than white supremacy